Download PDF 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities By Bill Eddy
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Ebook About Some difficult people aren’t just hard to deal with—they’re dangerous. Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders—borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic—they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to: - Spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself. - Manage relationships with HCPs at work and in your private life. - Safely avoid or end dangerous and stressful interactions with HCPs. Filled with expert advice and real-life anecdotes, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is an essential guide to helping you escape negative relationships, build healthy connections, and safeguard your reputation and personal life in the process. And if you have a high-conflict personality, this book will help you help yourself.Book 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities Review :
This book has been very useful in helping me deal with irrational verbal attacks by an old associate when I went out on a limb to respond to his request for help. His story became progressively inconsistent and, as I tried gently to help him work through it, I was eventually assailed, twice, over the phone. Although this took me by surprise and was painful, this is the second time that the person has ‘come after me’ for no apparent reason.By chance I saw an article in Psychology Today by the book’s author, Bill Eddy. The article seemed to capture many characteristics of my quasi-friend and his behavior, so I bought the book.The rationale is simple and elegant. The author is both a mediation attorney, and psychotherapist. About half his mediation cases involve a disputant with one of 5 major types of personality disorders identified by mental health professionals in the DSM-5 [sociopath, psychopath, narcissist etc]. According to the NIH these individuals constitute about 10% of the US population.Of these types, those who cause people distress through their words or actions, tend to take advantage of people in characteristic ways. The author calls them High-Conflict Personalities (HCPs: though not all people with these disorders cause conflict).When one finds oneself sucked into a dysfunctional and painful situation with an HCP, certainly one approach is to hire a counselor. In my view, it is best to be equipped with some skills, even if simple ones, to detect, and handle, the situation before seeking professional help. The HCP concept meets that need. It is not intended as a diagnostic system. It is more like a street map telling you which parts of a foreign city to avoid if you value your health.The book provides early warning clues. Is the person doing something that 90% of the people would not do? [In my case, yes he was]. And, is the person saying something that 90% of the people would not say? [In my case, yes]. Finally, how does one feel after engaging the person? [I felt disconcerted, betrayed, abused, and victimized]. I tend to be too trusting and wanting to help. Thus, I was an easy target.Of course, given human psychological diversity, the details of how HCPs disrupt relationships will vary. But, in the depth of the book I found many characteristics that fit the person causing me problems. He is charming and fast-talking, with big plans that lacked concrete or logical details (that he wouldn’t discuss). He lies or misrepresents the facts, doesn’t take responsibility for his circumstances, never apologizes, and does not attempt to resolve misunderstandings. I’ve always known that he had a volatile reaction to being questioned, and that he always escalated a disagreement rather than trying to find a common solution. Thus, I have always walked on eggshells around this guy. All these traits are common among certain HCPs.For me, the official psychological designation didn’t really matter. What mattered was being able to deal with the person. Initially, I reacted with anger and opposition, as anyone would, but that’s not Eddy’s recommendation. Better to set clear boundaries, or use an excuse for a graceful way of backing out. I am currently working on that and, as of now, communication between this person and me has ceased. That saddens me because the guy can be fascinating [as long as I don’t ask questions].In sum, I found Eddy’s book to be very helpful. Given that HCPs constitute a significant fraction of the people we meet, its recommendations are good to keep in mind before untoward situations develop. What layperson can recall the details of the DSM-5 regarding the diversity of people who effortlessly engage conflict? Eddy’s book is a good first-hand rubric for avoiding trouble. I recommend it. Terrific book, wish I had read it 10 years ago. I just left a job where a person with both narcissistic personality disorder and border line personality disorder spends her days tearing down excellent people to boost her mediocre self. Six months of that, daily, including on weekends as she never stops emailing, and gets offended when her emails are not answered in 5 minutes! I found this book and finally understood what she was doing, and that she could not be helped at work, the best thing was to leave, so I did. Thankfully, the job market is hot and I got another job within days, but how sad that one very ill individual is destroying the workplace for so many people. I have recommended this book to all of those who remain there, and have already received two emails from people thanking me for giving them a game plan on how to deal with this sick individual. Thank you Bill Eddy for your insights, they are valuable to all in the workplace. 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